Monday, August 23, 2010

Alive Day

My "alive day" is coming up. That's the happy term the people here at Walter Reed give the day you got blown to smithereens. I prefer "bomb day".

And while "alive day" sounds so much more like a celebration I don't want to celebrate. Why would I want to make happy on the day a bomb impaled the soldier next to me and changed my life forever?

But as much as I would like to forget the whole thing my body is intent on reminding me. Last night I had the first nightmare I can remember since the bombing a year ago. I dreamed I watched as a humvee got hit by a rocket or RPG. There was a loud, odd sound. It suddenly occured to me that I recognized that sound. I'd heard it somewhere. That's when I shot out of bed with my heart pounding.

It was the sound that MY bomb made as it turned our ASV to mush. While I don't remember my bombing I know my body does.

My therapists and docs also say my body will likely mark the anniversary, whether I want it to or not. They are a little worried I suspect. So am I.

6 comments:

Oldfool said...

Sounds like your body wants to live. How about you?
Your job is not done and this whole painful experience will be for nothing if you don't use it.
It's up to you.

GatorGirl said...

You will be with friends that love you...

So much has happened to you since that day, and you have given strength and inspiration to those soldiers at WR. You underestimate the power of your presence...

Emmy said...

Best of luck with everything. You've made it this far, I KNOW you can handle this!

Spockgirl said...

I am glad that you are having your "Alive Day". The alternative would mean that you would not be here today sharing your amazing spirit and personal experiences with us common folk, as well as those struggling themselves, or struggling to understand. You may yet inspire me to get off my ass and DO something.
I don't have much, but is there anything I can offer to help you/the wounded soldiers out? I am SO very limited.... Music CDs? Homemade cookies? Care package? Anything?

Moonpie said...

Dear Spockgirl--the greatest gift you can give the guys is to keep them in your thoughts and never forget their sacrifices. That is my biggest worry...that they will be forgotten. They have so many challenges in the years ahead. The war will be history but their injuries will be with them for life. My goal in the future is to volunteer for an organization that helps the disabled. We run into all sorts of issues, from people not understanding the need for assistance dogs to a lack of railings on stairs.

Tamsin said...

Alive day in New Orleans, can't think of a better place. Stay strong and enjoy the beignets.