Grounded

I have had to turn down a trip to the war zone with a high ranking commander. It was to be my first trip back since being bombed. It gave me something to work towards. Every day I wake up, walk and exercise thinking it's making the trip more likely.

Today I had to tell them I just am not there yet.

It's hard. It's embarrassing.

I want to go back. I'm not scared a bit, except for one thing. I fear being a lame-ass, weak journo who can't keep up with the boys. I will never, ever let one of them look at me with pity.

I will go back to Afghanistan. I just have to be patient. I can't go back til I can jump off a helo without being afraid I'll land face down in the sand with my leg still on the bird.