It's not getting any easier. Three nights now without Methadone. I couldn't sleep last night and instead watched the 25 Most Horrible Hollywood Murders (or some such drivel on E!), which only upset me. I almost cried when Charles Manson's followers murdered Sharon Tate. The Black Dalia story broke my heart. And who decided we needed to re-hash the Nicole Brown Simpson murder one more time?
It was either E! or one of the Housewives of....reality shows. They always depress me because I wish I could go back to the days when my concerns were so petty. I mean, really. How many hours a day do they spend getting dolled up to go before the cameras and accuse each other of being the biggest, baddest bitch?
The noise last night from my Mologne House neighbors drove me nuts. Doors slamming, kids running around in the room above me, and even the baritone voice of the soldier in the room next door. I was wondering why the noise never kept me awake before and then I remembered...I've been doped up every night!
I didn't last long on my second day back to work. I was worn out within a couple of hours, my foot was hugely swollen. I was sick to my stomach and bloated. So I called a car and came back "home". But there just wasn't any rest available here.
This morning I slept too late to make horseback riding. Instead I'm hosting a pity party.
I will give myself a pat on the back, though, for not reaching for that Methadone pill...I know it would make my world better, if only for a few hours.
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6 comments:
It's so easy for me to tell you to hang in there when I can only imagine what a terrible time you're having. I have had some pretty horrible things happen in my lfe and if I've learned anything, it's that "this too shall pass."
Not even a celebrity rehab to remind you of the madness out there? You need a captivating TV series to soak up the night hours... I would suggest Life on Mars, Hotel Babylon, Spooks if you want try some UK good ones..
Even I want to forget those times when they weaned my sis off of morphine. I hope by God's grace you will not remember much of this horrible time. She preferred I Love Lucy reruns, as I recall.
It's damned if you do, damned if you don't. The best thing to watch is mindless TV and then I get all depressed about how mindless TV is.
I am also developing a bad habit of watching TV characters move...and wondering if I could do that. That can't be healthy.
Netflex?
Mindless reading is as good as mindless TV. I remember that was your advice when I was having panic attacks in New York - romance books with lots of sex and mindless plots. It worked!
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